Worst Dates Ever! Max Cringe (Plus Bonus Dates)


More Than Dreamzz - Bad Dates

Airing: 2/22/21




A: Hey! I’m Amelia!


C: I’m Cecilia! This is 1800Dreamzz!


A: That’s Dreamzz with two zz’s.


C: We say farewell to Aquarius and hello to Pisces.


A: Gonna eat some fish for dinner!


C: You cannibal!


A: Thank you! Welcome to today’s installment of 1-800-Dreamzz that we have titled “More Than Dreamzz”.


C: We are typically a podcast that analyzes dream meanings and now sleep optimizing, but the people have spoken and they like to hear about us and our lives, and stuff we’re up to!


A: But before we do that we want to be sure and thank all of those who have joined our patreon or have tipped us at Buy Me a Coffee.


C: Amelia and I are dedicated to providing you with information on dreams and sleep, and you help us keep the lights on!


A: To help us out, you can become a monthly donor of our patreon for as little as $3 a month.


C: Or if you’d rather just tip us whenever you’ve got a little extra cash, you can head to Buy Me a Coffee.


A: Both of these links are available in the show notes!


C: Now something else that we are excited to announce is!


A&C: THE 1-800-DREAMZZ QUICKTIONARY!


C: We are so excited to get this in front of you all!


A: If you’ve listened to our episodes about dream analysis, you know that we interpret dreams a little differently.


C: Yes, there’s no right or wrong way to interpret a dream, but instead of trying to recall the narrative, the 1-800-Dreamzz Quicktionary has you identifying individual components of the dream.


A: AKA the people, places, things, animals, feelings, and situations/actions in your dreams.


C: Those are the bits of your dream that you are most likely to forget, and you can very easily remember the narrative if you have those pieces identified.


A: Boom! Part of the reason we started this How to Sleep series is because none of you are remembering your dreams because you’re not sleeping well enough, but we really believe that your dreams serve as the bridge between your waking conscious mind and your subconscious mind.


C: It really is a fabulous communication tool that has worked for us in our waking life.


A: Okay so what do the people get if they purchase the 1-800-Dreamzz Quictionary?


C: Well! You obviously get a digital copy of our quick reference dream dictionary, aka the 1-800-Dreamzz Quicktionary, you get the 1-800-Dreamzz Journal to plug in your notes from your dreams, you get a 13 hour spotify sleep playlist, and you get an intention setting meditation to remember your dreams before you sleep!


A: You can head to our online store, 1800dreamzz.com/shop!


C: Once you make your purchase, the 1-800-Dreamzz Quicktionary digital pdf will be sent to your email for immediate download and all of the resources are available as clickable links in the guide!


A: Okay so! Cringey dates.

*RIFF RIFF*


Questions to ask -

When was your first date?

When were you a bad


AB notes -

Bad date after long term relationship - I was watching the guy just squirm, it was an out of body experience like wtf is happening. German language games, dripping beer on children; I was in my early 20s and there were a lot of men in their 30s like ew come on


  1. I went on a first date where I picked the guy up and then on the way he says let's go to a party instead and I say...uh okay..then he asks if I can pick up his friend Dominique. I'm like sure...we get..to Dominique’s and out walks a girl, but hey I'm cool. We get to the party [in the middle of nowhere] and everyone is drinking and the guy is like "punch me in the stomach!" [Confused face by me] so everyone takes turns punching him in the stomach at this point it's like a train wreck and I'm just like how awful can this really get? Then his friend is like who wants to go for a ride? My "date" says "hell yeah!" And so I'm like sure...why not. We end up in Iowa at a strip club and I'm just like what am I doing with your life right now. We leave and I fall asleep in the back seat, and I wake up to the guy and Dominique going at it next to me. I pretend to sleep the rest of the way back to the cornfield because I'm really not mad I just wanted to pretend I didn't exist. So then we get back to the cornfield where the party was and everyone is gone so the guy driving is like do any of you need a ride? And I'm like nah I'm sober and I can take these two back too. The car drives away. I get in my car, lock the doors and drive away leaving that guy and girl in the middle of a cornfield (good 15 miles from civilization) at 4am.

  2. Amelia’s mom: So in my freshman year of high school we had a computer compatibility dance. I had to write all these physical and personality characteristics that I wanted in a date so, of course, I described the guy I had the hots for who totally was not interested in me. Surprisingly, he did not end up on my dance list but the much shorter, much older army vet dropout who had come back to high school to get his diploma somehow ended up as my perfect match! Somewhere there is the picture of me with my foot cast dancing with my computer determined partner. BTW, he was a great dancer and a fun person.

  3. I told him it wasn't a date! Told him I didn't want to kiss! Dude took me out for a short drive in his old muscle car and hung out at my place after, as we were saying goodbye he comes in for a kiss. Naturally I fell to the floor laughing hysterically with tears and all as he finds his way out of my house . I still kinda feel bad about his pride but... come on!!! I totally warned the guy!

  4. I don't have weird dates, I have weird sexual experience stories. Nothing in here is too graphic for anyone that has a basic understanding of teenage sex drive.

  5. Back in the mid 2000's, I was a virgin freshman in highschool in my first real relationship with another virgin, brace-faced girl, and it was starting to become sexually charged. We were about 3-4 months into our relationship when our school's football team was going off to state. As a way to show support, the school was allowing people to buy tickets and get bussed to and from the event in Madison. My girlfriend at the time and I decided that would be a great thing to do as it afforded two carless teens an opportunity to spend more time together. So, we were bussed to the game, watched our team win? (or did they lose? I don't know). On the bus ride back, it's dark, everyone is tired, we're sitting in the back and we start "heavy petting" each other. Then we stop for lunch. Her and I get a subway sandwich to split. We enjoy our food and the tension rises when we finally arrive back to our school where we wait for our parents to pick us up. We go inside to grab our bags, duck away from our friends and teachers, and she quietly leads me into one of the stalls in the women's restroom. From there she sits me down, takes off my pants, and I experience my first ever blowjob. It was a glorious 90 seconds. That's when one of our friends kicks open the door and the moment is ruined. From there, we part for the evening and head home. Once home, her and I talk on the phone and she mentions how dirty her teeth were while she was getting ready for bed and after we hang up and I begin to do the same, that's when I find it. It's big, and slimy, and green. Just stuck there. I'm peeing before bed and I find a piece of lettuce on my penis.

  6. First date went okay, second date went better, except she felt now okay to inform me she was pregnant

  7. I met a guy on Tinder on a Thursday, invited him to come to a show with me at an art gallery the following night. He was 30 min late because he was playing Pokémon Go. Then proceeded to try to pay people in the bathroom line to skip in front of them. We had dinner in the Third Ward and he spent the entire night talking about how he loved film (aka Star Wars), made lots of money at his job & hadn't found anyone as good as his ex (they had been broken up for 3 years). I asked the waitress for separate checks (because I could feel explosive diarrhea coming on from the cheese curds) and he scolded me because he thought if he paid, I would be obligated to go to his apartment afterwards and fuck him. I explained that I wasn't feeling well and left. I barely made it home in time and passed out after. I woke up to crying messages calling me a liar and saying he spent the entire night drinking at the bar wondering what he'd done wrong. He texted me for weeks afterwards asking if I wanted to fuck.


These two happened in Amelia’s college town:


My first date (ever!) as a freshman at Truman: met a guy swing dancing. We went to Pagliai’s where much of our date was him talking about his ex. Then he asked if I wanted to go to his dorm to look at his art (he was an artist) and because I was young and dumb and excited about having a date I said yes. He pulled up his computer to show me his art and mixed in with the things he’d drawn were naked pictures of himself. Let’s just say there was no second date


Long story kinda short: dude came up from Columbia to go on a date (and hookup ) we watched Pineapple Express in my dorm room and got walked in on by my roommate ( I was a terrible roommate hence the studio apt next semester) while we were making out. We did the deed and then he was hungry. He said he wanted bacon and Krispy Kreme donuts. I had to explain to him that Kirksville was a shit hole and didn't have Krispy Kreme. He got annoyed but bought bacon anyway. We then drove out to Thousand Hills to make out more and attempt to have sex again. I was too scared because on the way out there we were talking politics. He was a Republican and then he talked about the 2nd amendment for a bit and causally mentioned he had a gun in the car at no point was I worried he would hurt me but it was a very odd thing to bring up in casual conversation. We went proceeded back to my dorm room and tried to cook the bacon in the dorm kitchen. It did not work. Then he tried to cook it in my microwave. It did not work. It was like 3 AM at this point. He slept with me in my twin bed and then drove out early the next morning. I think he messaged another time to come back but I passed. This story has taught me that I am dumb and should have been murdered and that I'm thankful I have enough self esteem to not arrange long distance hook ups any more (also I'm married)





A & C: *riff riff*


A: Well, that’s all we have for today!


C: We hope you enjoyed this cringey as hell episode!


A: Join us next week for an exploration into why we dream!


C: In the meantime, you can listen to some of the latest episodes from our #howtosleep series.


A: And don’t forget to check out the 1-800-Dreamzz Quicktionary on our website!

C: Yes! Head to 1800dreamzz.com (with 2 zz’s!) where you can purchase the Quicktionary as well as submit your dreams to us. Check us out on instagram and facebook. Sleep tight!


A: And remember, don’t let the sounds of bad dates bite! Night night!







What did you do?


Who did you do it with?


Where did you go?


How long was it? How did it go?


What tools did you use?


What did you learn?


Would you do it again?


A: Well, that’s all we have for today!


C: We hope you enjoyed this episode from our More Than Dreamzz series!


A: Join us next week when we do a deep dive and ask the question: why do we dream?


C: One of the great questions yet to be solved! And if you haven’t yet, check out our minisode series called #howtosleep!


A: So far we’ve talked about melatonin, weighted blankets, and white noise and pink noise, and this week we are talking about Sleep Stories.


C: That is literally how I fall asleep. Don’t forget to send your dreams to us at 1800dreamzz.com (with two zz’s!) And check us out on instagram and facebook. Sleep tight!


A: And remember, don’t let the bad dates bite! Night night!


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